Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize