Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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