Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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