I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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