I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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