Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
