I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
do nipples grow back?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
