never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
