Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
