So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
