Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
