I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
