You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
