Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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