nut hugger
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
