First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
