The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
