can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
