ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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