and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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