I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
