If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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