i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
