I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
