The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
