I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
