If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize