He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
