i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
