I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
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We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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