i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
