Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
