I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
