I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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