Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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