The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
