My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
