I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
