you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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