I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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