if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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