So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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