my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
