I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
