I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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