Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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