dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
