How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Even my vagina gasped.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
