So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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