I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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