anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you're hired as official boob wrangler
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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