So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
