That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
