found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
