I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
