Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
