My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
