I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
