your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
