I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
